Valentine's Day Post

So since it's been such a long time since I was motivated to post, I figured I'd post about a recent event in my life: Valentine's Day!! Well, actually, since this year I celebrated this Valentine's day as a super sexy single, I'll probably just talk about the idea of Valentine's day and the idea of love. Last year was the first year that I had a Valentine, which I guess was nice at the time, but because of some negative dendrites associated with the event I wasn't even thinking about the holiday, nor was I looking forward to it. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't boo-hooing or bah humbugging by any means. But I also wasn't seen running around in a diaper shooting people in the butt with arrows with heart-shaped arrowheads. I viewed it as just another day. I had to go to classes still, I had to feign relative interest in several classes ,but I just had to deal with everybody being all couply. You know, walking around holding hands and being cute to a vomit-worthy extent. But the good kind of vomit, the kind that burns with jealousy-- not stomach acid-- when it comes up.
See, unlike most of my male peers, I pride myself in not being an incorrigible douchebag. I try to treat girls with respect, and actually value them as human beings, and not objects. I like to think I treat girls nicely, but I just don't seem to be given the opportunity to impress girls very often, for whatever reason. It's really whatever at this point, because I'm going on a mission anyway. I just wish I'd found a girl with whom I could have had a meaningful relationship with before this point in my life. But I'm at peace with that now, and I just live vicariously through my friends. They tell me about their relationship stuff and I get happy because they seem to be happy. They're excited, and they feel this fire that only this person can fan. Sure, that twinge of jealousy does pop up, but it's usually replaced with happiness for them fairly quickly. Because I think I might be in love with the idea of love.
It's just so awesome to me the human capacity to love people. Call me naive, or stupid or whatever, but I think that love really can conquer all. I think that if people love each other, then they treat each other a certain way that reflects it. I think that people in love radiate, and you can see it when they're around their significant other. They're that nauseating cute that I referred to earlier. And I guess that maybe it's just because I haven't ever been there, so I can't sympathize with the feeling, but sometimes it becomes genuine anger. It's stupid, and I know that, but sometimes I can't help but feel it for a few moments.
After moments like this, I tend to drift off. I wonder who my future wife may be. I wonder if maybe I'm missing her by fractions of a second, if I've met her yet, if she's ever talked to me, or thought about me, or felt the way that I do. I wonder if we'll be so alike it's scary, or so infuriatingly opposite that people will wonder why we're together. I wonder if she ever stops and appreciates the little things. I wonder if she can sing, or play guitar,  or if she has some weird talent like being double jointed in her thumb. I wonder if she's tall or short. I hope she's funnier and better looking than me-- I hope she has a laugh that people catch, and can hear from a mile away. I hope she doesn't mind if I can't sing, or I can't dance, or that sometimes I'm immature and inappropriate. I hope she understands half the crap that comes out of my mouth better than even I do. I hope she likes to cuddle, hold hands, and kiss. I hope she wants to be married in the temple, whichever one she's wanted to be married in since she was a little girl. I hope she'll tell me that story one day. I hope she wants kids, but not too many. I wonder if she prays, prays to God that she finds me, just like I do for her. I wonder if she's even out there. And on those days, I write blog posts 'til 3:30 in the morning because wondering is just about all that I have on these days. I don't have anybody to be in love with, so I just fall in love with the idea of being in love. And on days like this, thinking, wondering, hoping and praying all have to suffice.