Addicted

I feel as though I should make a confession. I should tell you all about my addiction. It's something I do in private, and completely deny it when accused. But it's obvious to everybody around me that not only do I do it, but that it is affecting my ability to function as a normal human being. Sometimes I do it for so long that I lose track of time, and it makes me late for things. It makes me feel incomplete if I don't do this several times a day.


Solitaire. I have literally clocked over 2100 games since school started in August. This is an obscene amount of time spent on such a useless thing.I spent about 90 seconds per game, and if you multiply that by 2100 (which is, unfortunately, rounding down), then you have a butt ton of time. I'm not a math person, so I won't even pretend to know how many hours that is, and honestly I wouldn't care to. Because I know it's completely ridiculous. I want to stop, but I just can't.

I used to think it was good, you know? Like doing a puzzle. It was benefiting my brain to do it, and I was using my logical reasoning at a fast-paced rate, learning to take logical risks, and trying to undo this horrifically chaotic puzzle in under 90 seconds. I used to think this was benefiting me. But now I know it isn't, not at all. I get in at night after hanging out with friends, and have to win a game before I can go to bed. I try to deny myself, but I just play games in my mind while I try to sleep. And I NEVER WIN. I can't even beat myself at brain solitaire, so I sit and play and play until I win. This usually means a game or two, but on some bad nights, I could sit and play 8 or 9 games before I get what I need. That thrill of seeing those four kings laid, in order, on their respective queens, then invading my screen with a neat animated shuffle.

Sometimes, if I play for a long time before going out in public, I play solitaire with people's shirts. I'll try to line up people with colored shirts with people with black or white shirts. I assign then randomized numbers and try to solve their solitaire game.

I wish I were making this up. But unfortunately it's only slightly exaggerated for your reading pleasure. I have a serious problem, and don't know what to do about it. I hope that by admitting to the world I have a problem that I can begin my long road to recovery.