When You Fill Your Life With Why..

So, as many of you know, last week was Spring Break. This week has been crazy, so I didn't really blog about it, but nothing too exciting happened.

The Highlights:

 Driving down and back with Nick: My buddy Nick goes up to UVU, and he's one of the few friends I have that isn't currently on a mission. He and I had a full 12 hours in the car together (between down and back), and it was seriously great! It made the car ride go by so fast talking about movies, rapping along with Snoop Dogg, reminiscing about seminary/high school, and talking about the future. We had SO much fun! 

Jury Duty: That's right, over Spring Break I had to go in and fulfill my civic duty. I ended up getting dismissed after two full days at the court house .While the extra $30 was appreciated, the timing could not have been worse. The LAST way I wanted to spend my spring break was inside a court house in slacks and a collared shirt. 

The Beach: After getting dismissed from Jury Duty, Nick and I went to Zuma/ Point Dume beach. It was SO much fun. The water was far too cold to get in, but we laid out in the sun. And by we, I mean me, because Nick brings umbrellas to the beach. Umbrellas. I mean, I get he's a ginger, but that's like cheating yourself out of the beach. But hey to each their own, right? We hung out, read books, played ukulele, and just relaxed for a few hours. We had a really cool fog roll in out of nowhere, and that's when we decided to head back.  

The fog when it was rolling in

Then within 10 minutes it was EVERYWHERE, and really thick. It was kinda cool. 

The voyage to Loma Linda: Once again, I had to make the 2 hour drive down to Loma Linda, where I got my surgery. I got good news though, I'm all clear to go on my mission again! Once I get home in May, I'm just gonna hit submit! I'm so excited to FINALLY go out! Nothing's stopping me now! :)

Hanging out with Robert: My friend's family is moving into a fix-up house. They were needing some help, so I spent my Friday helping them out. It was pretty fun, and after that he and I hung out at my house and it even turned into a "Oh crap, it's like 1:30. Is it cool if I sleep here?" situation, like our hang outs tend to. 

So that was my spring break. Nowhere near as exciting for fun as last year, but I think I needed a more relaxing spring break this time. It wasn't the Spring Break I wanted, but it was the Spring Break I needed. </nerd> 

So I walk to school because my bike is currently out of commission, and I've been too lazy to fix it. My walk usually takes about 15 minutes to get to my classes in the morning, and about the same to get home. That means that I have 30 minutes  to myself where I can just think. This time has become seriously invaluable with me (that's probably why I have procrastinated fixing my bike). I can think of jokes, focus on relearning the day's lessons, think about life, etc. Since Spring Break I've done a lot of the last one. See while we were driving back, Nick mentioned that he loved Washington State, and that he was considering moving there when he was done with school. We figured out that he would be done with school when I got off my mission, and that made me really sad. I threw out the idea of possibly moving there with him after my mission, and the more we talked about the idea, the more fun it sounded like. I mean, the timing would work out great. I'll have my associate's degree when I leave for my mission, and I could go literally anywhere I wanted to. As he and I considered our "5 year plans" with Washington State included in them, he and I got very excited and it seemed like a good idea. I thought of the possibilities all of spring break. 

But, during my walks, logical me began to over-analyze the possibilities. I wouldn't have a scholarship of any kind, I'd have to worry about out of state tuition, I'd be much further from my family, and what's out there for me, anyway? Basically, I began to look for reasons not to do it, and the biggest question that fit into this category was why. Why would I completely uproot my life with no prospect of a job, leave behind friends and familiarity I have here in Utah, lose my scholarship, etc. The Why has bugged me and nagged at me every walk I've had. Then, finally, on Thursday I came to a bit of a realization. I was asking the wrong question. I was asking Why, when I should be asking why not? I remembered all those cheesy phrases: adventure begins where your comfort zone ends, etc. Then I made one up myself: If you fill your life with "why's", you're filling it with "what if's". I mean, if I were to graduate SUU, get a crappy job I hate, and go through a real rough patch, I think that I would probably keep wondering "what if I'd gone to Washington with Nick." I'd blame myself and be mad because I'd think the grass would be greener on the other side. And maybe it would be, but I'd never know because I'd never seized the opportunity. 

I don't know how that whole situation is gonna play out. A million variables go into it. I have to have my associate's degree before I leave, meaning I pass my math and science classes this semester, Nick has to be single, and move to Washington, I have to be in a financial situation to transfer, I have to figure out the transfer process, price it out, etc. I mean, it is really up in the air. But whether it ends up happening or not, I learned a very valuable lesson that I wanted you all to hear, because maybe it's something that you needed to hear. Maybe it'll make you do something you want to do, or take some offer you'd be inclined to turn down. But stop focusing on the why's, and focus on the why not's. Because I think that it'll make life much more exciting, if nothing else, if we take opportunities that life gives us. 

2012: In the Rearview

Well, folks, it's (almost) 2013. It's been a heck of a year, in some ways good and in some ways bad. But here is how my year went:

January: Well, first of all I started a blog! One of my New Year's resolutions was to start a blog, so that I could work on my writing. I also wanted to work on my actual writing; short stories, sketches and such the like. I've done decently on that, but my blog went well! I made 24 posts, so averaging once every two weeks. I'm actually doing pretty well! So I did well.

Also, I went back to school for what I thought would be my semester, but life had other plans. We'll get to that in a bit. Anyway, I also went out to Junction, Utah for a weekend with Glen and Mitch. In all honesty it was one of the highlights of my entire year. It was fun to hang out just the three of us shooting guns, playing video games, riding quads, and of course, eating lots of food. In short, biggest man-weekend I've had in a while.

I know, I'm pretty cool, you don't have to tell me.

Why yes, we are standing on a solid lake. and yes, I do miss this kid like no other. 

February: Not too much. I got into the swing of things at school. Started having more classes and, more importantly, more fun. 

I got to meet the real life Hitch! He was really cool and really funny!

We went out sledding one day. I was SO DANG COLD.

March: Spring break! What else is there to say? I dragged as many people as wanted to come to California with me. We went all around Southern California, enjoying the sights, visiting the beach, going to LA, and all around enjoying the fact that it was above 50 degrees! 

Santa Monica Beach picture with everybody

China town picture with everybody

We found the bench from (500) Days of Summer!

Hiked Fish creed. It was cold and would have been miserable, but I had good friends with me!

This was Mitch's idea of a breakfast..

We went to the local Novelty store, Charlie Brown Farms

And that's where this, my vote for picture of the year, was taken. 

We also went up North at the end of the month for Mitch's mission call opening and for Color festival. 

We got pretty dirty by the end of it. We took this as we were leaving.

Mitch's mission call!

April: Even though school was winding down, we still found ways to entertain ourselves. We watched Conference in Lone Pine at Melissa's grandma's house. It was also April Fool's. That whole weekend was full of the spirit, and the spirit of mischief. 

We sticky noted Kay's car.

We also got in a Sand Hollow trip. It took us a while to figure out that tent...

May: Said goodbye to SUU for what I thought would be the last time for a couple years. I said bye to everybody, too. Landon left for his mission, and I got back out to Kanab for his farewell.

This is what Landon's farewell was like. we just took a bunch of silly pictures. 

I hate saying goodbye and I hate mornings. 

Summer: I won't bore you with a month-by-month here because it's all a blur to me too (plus I didn't take all that many pictures...). But rest assured, it was full of beach trips, hikes, cliff jumping, and hanging out with some awesome people. Most notable here are (without pictures), Glen's farewell and going to see my sister out in Missouri. We had a death in the family, so we took a trip out to see her. It was great to see everybody again, despite the circumstances. 

The Beach! and some dudes...

My last trip back to SUU

Cliff jumping in California!

Cliff jumping in Utah!

We blew a tire on the way to the Brigham City temple open house. That didn't stop us from having some fun, though!!

Fourth of July up on the hill. What a sight! We got to see the whole valley's firework's show. 

Hiking Kanarraville! 

October: Full of hanging out with my friends here in California! I spent a week with my grandparents in Palm Desert, watched Diego and Tristen get their mission calls, and overall enjoyed some downtime before..

November: Probably one of the biggest months of my life. On the 26th I had the first major surgery I've ever had. I had a renalectomy, or kidney transplant surgery. Right now, while I sit here, I am typing with one less body part than 99% of the population. It feels pretty good to be different. Plus, it helped save my brother's life. Overall, worth it, despite the pain and slow recovery.

This was the night I got home! 

December: Aside from recovering, and saying goodbye to Diego (unphotographed), I went up to Utah to spend Christmas with my grandparents. It was a great trip because I got to see my brother Adam before he deploys from Afghanistan in January. I also got to see Breanna and Jason get married!

Breanna and Jason getting all married. 

We hung out at the wedding a bit. 

We went sledding. My parents are kinda cute sometimes. 

Anyway, that's been my 2012-- all the highlights, anyway. It's been a rough year in some ways, but a great year overall. I look forward to the challenges, hardships, joys, and memories of 2013. Here are some of my resolutions for the new year:

• Continue taking risks. I want to get out of my bubble and try new things. I pride myself on being open minded, but why stop at thinking about doing cool new things? :)
• Work out again. Because of surgery I've lost the ten pounds, basically everything I put on from working out this past year. So I want to start working out again and gain all my weight back. I was just starting to enjoy not looking like a total wimp, and I want it back! The actual goal: to work out at least three times a week every week, and to get back up to 150 lbs.
• Be nicer to those who treat me right. This is pretty self explanatory, and I think I do alright with this. But sometimes I simply repay them with a thank you, when I realize a proper thank you would be in a repaid favor or something like that. So I'm gonna work on recognizing people's sacrifices for me and repaying them better!
• Find a job- No matter what, I need to find a job. I want to become more independent, and money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure buys freedom. 
• Last, but not least, leave on my mission before my birthday. I plan to be fully recovered by March or so, and school ends in May. So hopefully by May or June I'll be gone, but I DEFINITELY want to be gone by August. 

Finally, in case I haven't told you, I will be attending SUU for the next semester. Because my recovery will be done at March at the soonest, I decided to not fall a year behind in school and finish up my Associates at SUU while I finish my recovery. I'm taking 17 credits and will be trying to find employment, so I might not be around too much. But rest assured, if you're at SUU we'll be hanging out! I'm leaving Wednesday the 2nd, and school starts the 7th!

Anyway, I hope that this finds you well. I hope you all have had a happy holiday and that you have a Happy New Year. Have a great day and have a wonderful 2013 all!

If you're not moving forward...

Hello to all! I hope you all find yourselves well. I hope that you have come with minds open, because I'm about to drop some philo (what the kids are calling "philosophy" nowadays") right on your dome (what the kids are calling ones' "head") nowadays. You ready? Alright, here we go:

So, as many of you are aware, I'm in this really strange point in my life. And not just because I'm 19 and the world's my oyster and all that jazz, but because I have been put in an extremely unique position that I would dare anybody to find me another person in the history of the universe who has been in this position. Now, I realize this is a bold statement, but I say it with confidence. Because right now I am planning to donate my kidney to my brother.This procedure has only begun to become possible through modern science, probably in the past 40 or 50 years. I am also going to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints. As many of you know, we as Mormons will typically serve missions when we're 19. Well, as of this month, men can now serve when they are 18, and women when they are 19. So now, as a 19 year old male, I am sitting around, waiting for a date on when I can get a major organ sucked out of my body and implanted into my brother, and had to postpone serving my mission to do so. Meanwhile, almost every male friend I have is now serving a mission, and now I am watching all my female friends begin the process to leave.

I mean, honestly, there may be 1 or 2 other people in the existence of time who have even had a situation comparable to mine. But this isn't a post about the expanse of the universe, the meaning of life, or any of that.

No, what this is about is a realization I have come to over the past week. And that's if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward. See, I've realized that life is a muscle. Life must be flexed, moved, strained, pushed, hardened, expanded, and used, in order for rest to be worth it. Otherwise, life becomes obese, extravagant, and begins the process of regression, like any muscle. For instance, you can work for years on the perfect body, but lose it in a matter of months if you stop utilizing those muscles that make it up. I've seen this in almost every aspect of my life.

The problem is that I have had very little to motivate me the past few months. I've lived in a state of limbo--of not knowing--for such a long time, that I began to regress in my habits. I wasn't acting like I was in college. I gained a year's worth of knowledge, wisdom, worldly awareness, habits, thought patterns, routines, and maturity (well...). Now, after sitting on my butt for 6 months, at home, doing little to nothing, I've moved backwards.

I can't say it's entirely my own fault. I mean, I'll take responsibility, but it's not. If I'd known that the process to get tested and scheduled for the kidney donation surgery, I would certainly have pursued another/better job. Right now I'm selling Cutco and setting my own schedule (which I've also slacked off on, to be honest...) and if I had known I would have sought out better employment. I could have earned 4 or 5 month's worth of minimum wage. Nothing to shake a stick at.

If I'd known how long this process would take, I would have done another semester at college. I wouldn't be sitting at home, twiddling my thumbs and wasting my time. I would have given it a shot to try and get tested out there, and to get myself ahead another semester. I would have met more people, gained more knowledge, and made another 6 month's worth of "mature responsible" (I'll use those words loosely) Tommy habits and routines.

But instead, I just sit around. I do what I can around the house. I surf the web for hours on end, stare at Facebook statuses and tweets I've read at least a dozen times, play video games, try to hang out with whoever isn't in school, maybe earn some money if I can, or if I feel like it. But most of the time, I lack the motivation. Because I haven't flexed my "responsibility" muscles for a while. So instead, I sit around and think. I ponder, and I get myself into trouble.

But I'm trying to get better. I'm trying to jump back into my good habits and routines. Fortunately, unlike working out, you don't tire quickly after a hiatus of not working out your good habits and routines.


So yeah! That's what I've been thinking about the past few days. I hope maybe this helps somebody. If not, well you'll be rewarded for reading all the way either way. Because if you like good music, you should listen to Cloud Cult. They have really good music, and I haven't stopped listening to them since I discovered them. They're kinda strange, but I like almost every song they make, and I hope you do too!

'Til next time, stay classy San Diego.

A Topical Post about the Friend Zone.

Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? Blogging about something I think about a topic? What am I relevant?

So about a week or so ago, my friend posted this picture on Facebook. (Here is her blog. She's awesome and cool and awesome so go read her blog. http://itsmelissak.blogspot.com/ )
And here is the picture: 

I personally hate this photo and think it's false and stupid and tacky and I hate it. So I shall explain my position on it and maybe it changes your view, maybe it doesn't. Either way I hope you find what I say entertaining and enlightening. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandgo (Keep in mind, this is not an essay, and even if it was it would have no organization of thought because I have no organization of thought. So you probably won't follow the logic. But I promise it'll come together in the end in my head.)

So here is why I disagree with it. I would venture to say that between 90-95% of the time, it is the guy complaining about being in the "friend zone". It does happen to girls, but I'm speaking strictly from a male perspective because between 90-95% of the time I am male, so I can only go based on my own thought process. But here's how I figure it. I have been in the friend zone by people before. I have also broken out of the friend zone after several years. However, that did work and kinda made a friendship rocky. I have also been turned down by a date by girls without reason. Perhaps these are exceptions to the rules though?

Well here's the biggest problem that I have with this picture. Barney Stinson would never ask a girl out on a date. They'd ask him on a date. I mean, he's Barney Stinson. He'd lie to you to make you ask him on a date. Cheeky little guy.

And my other biggest problem with this picture is that the reason guys complain about the friendzone are because they finally work up the courage to ask a girl on a date, or even confess how they feel, and the girl turns him down. Something that girls don't understand is that asking you girls out on dates is scary. It doesn't matter if we've known you a while, or if we're just meeting you, asking you on a date is terrifying. Asking you on a date makes us vulnerable, a feeling we aren't comfortable with. That's why we punch each other, because that's super tough and makes us feel invulnerable. We feel tougher and manlier when we aren't vulnerable. So asking girls on dates and making our emotions known is tough for us.

Also, something you ladies should know, is that there is no such thing as going on a date as "just friends", at least not for guys. We say we're going as "just friends" to try to take some of the edge off of one of us, Because for whatever reason, if we've ever liked you, we still like you. We can't just turn it off, box it up, and put it in an attic to find years later and be like "wow, that was dumb." Our crushes are like tattoos, we wear them openly, try to get rid of them once we realize how stupid they are, then the second somebody brings up what a good idea it was you go get it redone darker and thicker than it was before. Okay, not the best analogy, but it got the point across. Probably.

Another problem that I have with this picture is that it tries to take the blame off of the girls. If you are made aware that you have friend zoned somebody, then that means you now have a situation where you have somebody you only consider a friend who has finally mustered the courage to confess their feelings for you. Should they have asked you on a date sooner? Certainly. But why didn't they? Perhaps because you had a boyfriend? Perhaps because they were intimidated by you and were too scared to ask you out? Perhaps you were sitting around waiting for some other dude to ask you out, and putting this other dude all up in our grill whenever we tried to talk to you. Personally, I think all three are valid reasons why not to ask a girl. But even if you rule out the middle one as stupid (which, admittedly, it probably is. But I've totally been that guy too scared to ask a girl out. I still am that guy.) But the other two are other valid candidates for why I wouldn't have asked you out on a date, and then when I tell you how I feel you're like "Oh, well, I totally think you're awesome, but you're just a friend, so if you don't mind I'm gonna pee on your feelings by continuing to tell you about how badly [generic douche name] treats me. But he's better looking than you so I'll just throw you in the friend zone that we girls invent to make ourselves feel better and to avoid telling the less attractive guys we don't find them attractive now, in the past, and we never will."

Well, that escalated quickly. Probably some emotions I haven't dealt with in there somewhere. But that's cool, because I'm just gonna learn to reproduce asexually. Current task, learning how budding works.

BUT IN ANY CASE: LAWYERED.

In conclusion, I counter argue that this picture only applies to a very few situations, where while the guy was stupid, the girl is even more stupid for making up this friend zone to keep people in in the first place. And in the other case, it is not the guy's fault at all, because the girl just put him there to cover up her real feelings.