Hello to all! I hope you all find yourselves well. I hope that you have come with minds open, because I'm about to drop some philo (what the kids are calling "philosophy" nowadays") right on your dome (what the kids are calling ones' "head") nowadays. You ready? Alright, here we go:
So, as many of you are aware, I'm in this really strange point in my life. And not just because I'm 19 and the world's my oyster and all that jazz, but because I have been put in an extremely unique position that I would dare anybody to find me another person in the history of the universe who has been in this position. Now, I realize this is a bold statement, but I say it with confidence. Because right now I am planning to donate my kidney to my brother.This procedure has only begun to become possible through modern science, probably in the past 40 or 50 years. I am also going to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints. As many of you know, we as Mormons will typically serve missions when we're 19. Well, as of this month, men can now serve when they are 18, and women when they are 19. So now, as a 19 year old male, I am sitting around, waiting for a date on when I can get a major organ sucked out of my body and implanted into my brother, and had to postpone serving my mission to do so. Meanwhile, almost every male friend I have is now serving a mission, and now I am watching all my female friends begin the process to leave.
I mean, honestly, there may be 1 or 2 other people in the existence of time who have even had a situation comparable to mine. But this isn't a post about the expanse of the universe, the meaning of life, or any of that.
No, what this is about is a realization I have come to over the past week. And that's if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward. See, I've realized that life is a muscle. Life must be flexed, moved, strained, pushed, hardened, expanded, and used, in order for rest to be worth it. Otherwise, life becomes obese, extravagant, and begins the process of regression, like any muscle. For instance, you can work for years on the perfect body, but lose it in a matter of months if you stop utilizing those muscles that make it up. I've seen this in almost every aspect of my life.
The problem is that I have had very little to motivate me the past few months. I've lived in a state of limbo--of not knowing--for such a long time, that I began to regress in my habits. I wasn't acting like I was in college. I gained a year's worth of knowledge, wisdom, worldly awareness, habits, thought patterns, routines, and maturity (well...). Now, after sitting on my butt for 6 months, at home, doing little to nothing, I've moved backwards.
I can't say it's entirely my own fault. I mean, I'll take responsibility, but it's not. If I'd known that the process to get tested and scheduled for the kidney donation surgery, I would certainly have pursued another/better job. Right now I'm selling Cutco and setting my own schedule (which I've also slacked off on, to be honest...) and if I had known I would have sought out better employment. I could have earned 4 or 5 month's worth of minimum wage. Nothing to shake a stick at.
If I'd known how long this process would take, I would have done another semester at college. I wouldn't be sitting at home, twiddling my thumbs and wasting my time. I would have given it a shot to try and get tested out there, and to get myself ahead another semester. I would have met more people, gained more knowledge, and made another 6 month's worth of "mature responsible" (I'll use those words loosely) Tommy habits and routines.
But instead, I just sit around. I do what I can around the house. I surf the web for hours on end, stare at Facebook statuses and tweets I've read at least a dozen times, play video games, try to hang out with whoever isn't in school, maybe earn some money if I can, or if I feel like it. But most of the time, I lack the motivation. Because I haven't flexed my "responsibility" muscles for a while. So instead, I sit around and think. I ponder, and I get myself into trouble.
But I'm trying to get better. I'm trying to jump back into my good habits and routines. Fortunately, unlike working out, you don't tire quickly after a hiatus of not working out your good habits and routines.
So yeah! That's what I've been thinking about the past few days. I hope maybe this helps somebody. If not, well you'll be rewarded for reading all the way either way. Because if you like good music, you should listen to Cloud Cult. They have really good music, and I haven't stopped listening to them since I discovered them. They're kinda strange, but I like almost every song they make, and I hope you do too!
'Til next time, stay classy San Diego.
