My (not so) Secret Love Affair With the Comma

I've decided that before I do another serious/instrospective/ranting/boring blog post, I should do a funny/writing related one. And what better to discuss than my (not so) secret love affair the the comma. I first realized this love my senior year of high school. I realized that as I was typing, I would throw in commas every time that my brain voice (which is about four octaves deeper and twelve times sexier than my normal voice) pauses. I wouldn't even notice it, just a simple keystroke every time that I mentally took a breath, a beat, a pause, etc. Problem is that often times I found myself inserting them in unnatural places, or putting so many in that they dilute and distract from the point of the sentence. I-- I don't know why I do it, honestly I wish I could stop, but I fear that I do that. Even as I write this post I'm going back and taking out commas left and right. Well, mostly left, because the text box to blog is to the left...

Anyho, I dunno why I have this love of commas. I don't insert nearly as much when I'm writing as opposed to when I'm typing. But are they really so bad? I mean, look that their cute little shape. They're like the gentle curves of a woman. Dare I say, commas are sexy. Just look at those little guys. Do you know what they do? They denote a moment, a love, a dream, a laugh. In the readers mind, they say in their best fake racist Texan accent, "Hold on one second there amigo. Where do you think you're goin'?" Yes, commas are racist, sexy Texan women. They tell us what to do. They make a paragraph feel inherently human. They give the reader the feeling of a voice. They add style, realism, even soul. And not even the kind of soul given to music, like an old jazz saxophone, but a real soul. A living, breathing, feeling soul. The kind that sparks ideas, that prompts worlds to be created. And all of this because we the readers took a moment to pause, think, and give power to the words contained within its womb.

Don't believe me? Here's an obnoxious example. It's the previous paragraph with no commas at all.

Anyho I dunno why I have this love of commas. I don't insert nearly as much when I'm writing as opposed to when I'm typing. But are they really so bad? I mean, look that their cute little shape. They're like the gentle curves of a woman. Dare I sa, commas are sexy. Just look at those little guys. Do you know what they do? They denote a momen, a lov, a dream a laugh. In the readers mind, they say in their best fake racist Texan accent "Hold on one second there amigo. Where do you think you're goin'?" Yes commas are racist sexy Texan women. They tell us what to do. They make a paragraph feel inherently human. They give the reader the feeling of a voice. They add style realism even soul. And not even the kind of soul given to music like an old jazz saxophone but a real soul. A living breathing feeling soul. The kind that sparks ideas that prompts worlds to be created. And all of this because we the readers took a moment to pause think and give power to the words contained within its womb. 

Okay, if you read all of that you're stupid. But if you read a few sentences, got bored, then skipped to this (hopefully) short conclusion, then props. I hope you noticed a lack of voice. Your voice. Your voice and mine, the two coming together to tell the story. Commas are catalysts, that cause us to understand and cement these sentences into our mind. So I'm sorry that I love commas. I'm sorry that my sentences contain 3,4, even 5 commas sometimes. I  LOVE commas. Can't hug every kind of comma...
Finally, a shoutout to the apostrophe. Because that sucker's a special kind of comma. It's a comma to the top. It's GOD'S comma.  Hope you enjoyed!